This is a teleclass I ran as part of the Attraction Module at CoachU back in 2003


Lets have a look at this… When I first heard “Selfishness” I had all sorts of reactions. I could here my Mother telling me to stop being so selfish, I could hear all the times when I did something, and it was viewed as if, because I was doing something for myself, I was putting myself before the rest of the world … and that was wrong.

It wasn”t until I cleared my head and listened to the definition

SELF-ishness…. Self Care,

Its the action of investing in your soul, spirit, needs, your own personal foundation and life.

Its your total health and emotional balance

Once I finally GOT that definition, I could see that I had to move from

The old definition through to the new definition


small s >>>> Capital S

unhealthy >>>> healthy

external motivation >>>> Internal motivation

Ego >>>> Self

Not enough >>>> Reserve

Neediness >>>> Needs met

So taking this further, its been found that choice is paramount to taking control of this area. Once you have moved from…

Not realising that choices exist >>>> Selecting among choices.

You are on the road to attracting the very things you wish rather than going after something you haven”t defined as yours.

(maybe a discussion here around selfish >>>> Self-ish)

So you can see that there are a number of points we need to get clarity around, you know, get totally clear in our own head as to what and how we are going to start this attraction process. There are so many things we need to sort out….

Well NO, not at all. The first step is realise that Self- ish, this self care is the cornerstone of this Attraction Process.

Getting your needs met and building a reserve. It’s moving from defending what you do, defending self >>>>>> Honouring what you do, honouring Self

Its “not bashing yourself up” sure we all have areas that we know we need to make changes to….

I had some mates over from NZ last weekend and as is usually the case we catch up at a pub, watch some rugby and have an ale, maybe two which leads to three or four, five Its always a great idea at the time but man oh man, was I crook the next day and then I caught up with them the next night as well. its like, here I was, what I would call, a trashed unit, throwing all my beliefs out the window.

If you had of seen me then, you would have though I was just a loser, Not attractive in one small way

My point being, what are the areas that you know about yourself, deep down, that represent that person, that drunk you thought was the unattractive loser. What is the area that is makes you unattractive. WOW, now we have to start taking steps towards being truthful. But remember, this is being truthful to ourselves, honouring self, rather than defending self

I could defend my self , you know my mates only come over once or twice a year. I wasn”t that drunk, I had a great time it goes on

or I could move to a point where I honour my self,

Now where does that take me….. its takes me to being responsible for my actions, I can see a healthier way to enjoy the night. It reveals the choices I have…. Drink one or two, drink 10, drink none. We don”t need to bash ourselves up here, we need to honour our SELF.

We have to get out of ”doing the same old thing and expecting a different result” Its an action… Doing Something Different, not the things that are going well but the things that make us unattractive to ourselves

Its getting your needs met

Its Building a reserve,

Its practicing extreme self care

Its action. People see action, people like being with you because what they see in you is what they want in themselves (they have some work to do on their Self ishness hehe)

When you become very SELF-ish you know what you want and you are willing to express that. You become very empowering to the people around you. People relax and are attracted to you when you are secure with

Who you are

what you want

what you expect from them

Now I mentioned before that reserves are the key

Needs tend to break up reserves. If you are needy you spend your reserves very quickly Lets look at needs

(discussion around what needs are and building up reserves)

Once we become truly self-ish a remarkable thing happens, the care and generosity towards others improves as well,

A natural giving and receiving takes place

Your cup runs over with extra reserves

People can freely take advantage of this extra without any risk to you

Extra reserves are perceived as consequences of abundance rather than neediness

People will be naturally attracted to you

Around the class for comments, gems of discovery

Now all this takes action on your part. It can be thinking action and mostly it is action action. Its stepping forward. During the next week, I want, I NEED (smile) you to find three areas of your life that you need to take better care of yourself.

Do something Self-ish in each of these areas once a day for at least three days of the week

Observe how you get on, what occurred, feelings etc

Be prepared to share your experiences next week