Don’t Talk To Me, I’m Frustrated

Written by  on October 9, 2004 

Sometimes, just sometimes, I get really frustrated.

Frustrated that people fail to tell the truth despite obvious signs that others also were there, were apart of the story and saw what happened.
Frustrated that people think that whatever they say will get them out of some imagined strife.
Frustrated that, despite reason to put the full story in perspective, they wish to put their spin on it, to put them in a better light than they imagine they are already in.

Now this sort of thing really causes me to think that mankind is on a dizzy spiral downwards into oblivion. Now look at what I am doing… putting my spin on it as well. Is it really as bad as I am describing or am I just caught up in the emotion of the deal. Caught up in making a story. Well I doubt it, but… I am frustrated!!! A friend of mine is caught up in a messy property settlement (due to divorce) which is in the final throws of decision and the worst sort of stuff has come to the surface. Her integrity, state of mind and worth as a fellow being on this planet is being questioned. Now I ask you, what does this have to do with a property settlement? I do not have a clue, but I do know this… The life and times of this person are being questioned and other parties, not involved in the settlement are also weighing in with their views on this persons worth.

Now wait a minute, aren’t we talking about a property settlement? Aren’t we talking about a division of some wealth from a specified time. Like, we are now divorced, what is the cumulated worth of us, now lets split it? What has anyone’s character got to do with this?

Now I am frustrated at the lies and innuendoes being banded about. I know this person. She is another one of us.. you know, us! Us, who have a go. Us, who do our best despite the odds. Us, who just make our way on this earth. So why has this escalated into an attack on her character?

I see this type of thing quite often. People saying things to upset others. Putting their spin on a story that doesn’t add up. Publishing private conversation and then commenting on the conversation and then complaining that people are upset. How do these people think they are being portrayed? What’s more, why would anyone want to do this?

Our time in the sun, our 15 minutes of fame can be used up very fast and wouldn’t it be a shame if our fame was used up being infamous. If we are all going to have out time in the spotlight, wouldn’t be better to be remembered for the good stuff that went down during our reign rather than the muck that was raked up and then found to be untrue.

I consider it an injustice when someone goes about framing people for their misdeeds or their deeds. Its like why would anyone want to bring another down with either truths or untruths. What is it, that gives anyone the right to taint the life of another with gossip even if it is the truth?

Now I am prattling on here a bit, but there is a point to all this… I’m frustrated. Remember that.

I can’t believe that this world runs on the story “did you hear about such and such?” Who gives a damn if it is a story about someone’s achievements or conquering of a difficulty? Look at the news of the day… anyone would think that we are obsessed with doom and gloom. War, famine, disasters, crime, all splash over our screen every day and we accept this as news. Sometimes we are lucky, the news announcer mentions a good news story but that takes up a small percentage of the overall news. Oh, I almost forgot the elections… just another chance for one side to speak about the negative side of the other. We are supposed to make informed decisions with this sort of information?

So lets take this all apart a little. Dissect the overall view a bit. What is it that makes a person wish to attack the character of another or to publicly bring another’s private conversation out into the open? How does this enhance this persons own good character? I don’t know, do you?

We can also get a little caught up in our own importance if we concentrate on the misfortune of others. You see, the misfortune of others does nothing to enhance our own life. Sure, our own life may seem far better when compared with this misfortune but rest assured that the only thing than will enhance our own life is to take positive steps towards improving our lot. Bringing others down does nothing in this regard.

There are two sides to all this. Firstly we all seem to like having a story to tell especially about someone else, and secondly, there always seems plenty of people around that want to listen. Sad but true. It appears to alleviate the requirement and the focus from being on ourselves. If we can tell a story or focus on the misfortune of another, we then don’t have to worry about the aim of the conversation being pointed in our direction.

The sad truth about this is that it comes back to bite us. If others are so willing to listen to you tell a story about someone else… do you think that they will discourage hearing a story about you? Bet your bottom dollar they will be all ears!!! …and what if it isn’t true, like most these stories? Think about that.

The stories we hear are fragmented parts from someone’s memory of the event or of what they heard. Usually the person telling the story wasn’t even there and even if they were… how does it stack up? Why are we listening? How is this going to help?

Take this unfortunate property settlement. Now divorce is a trauma at the best of times and it is hardly a win win situation. Two people trying to make the best of a situation decide to give it a miss and go their separate ways. Whatever the reason, it’s a tough situation to work through. When it denigrates to name calling and attacks on a persons character, then the plot has been lost and the facts have usually been clouded for quite some time. We have all forgotten that this is about a division of property, the divorce was signed and sealed two years ago.

Now, because we can’t go around, living our life in the sand. We can’t pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Other people are going to want to tell stories about others and we still have to live in this world too, what are we going to do?

Sometimes ignoring the story allows it to go away. That’s an easy end to an unfortunate saga.

Sometimes we have this sudden and misguided urge to respond… to say a little more about what we heard which adds to the original. Sometimes we get very angry and let fly at any and all that happen to be in our vicinity. All of these seem to add credence to the story itself. Justifying why events happened also add credence. Its like, they did this so I did that. It doesn’t improve the overall disposition.

Wonder out loud “I wonder if anyone is helping them through it” I wonder if they need any help? I wonder if there is anything we can do?

These tend to put a different spin on the story. Making the thinking change from telling a story to concentrating on the plight of the situation. “Wonder” is a great place to come from as it doesn’t put any credence on the story as such, but focuses on what could be done. Even if this person is “from the other side”, the place of wonder, still brings about an understanding of the event that has happened.

Redirect the focus back to before the event began. All gossip has been started from an event. The gossip is the after effect of the event. The event was caused from something else. There was a situation and then an event occurred and someone now wants to gossip about the event.

Its like the concentration on a car crash misses the situation that happened beforehand. The crash is the secondary point in all this. That is the case with most events. A drug overdose is a terrible event but before that, was a situation that lead to the taking of the drugs. Arguments are the event, the situation that caused this happened beforehand and if you wish to take it further, what started the situation happening in the first place? What was going on in their mind or surroundings them that made them come to the decision to act?

There is always another side or an explanation for the events that happen. We are usually not privy to the reasons why, but, for a lot of us, we consider that commenting on events is our right and our privilege. Of course, it may be. My frustration is that too many good people get commented on without any thought being given. Any thought being given to the effect it has on their character. Any thought being given to the truth. Any thought being given to the effect that our comments have in general.

Usually there are a set of circumstances that needed to be crossed and a chain reaction started that ended up at the point that this event took place. Think about it for a minute or two… we all have events in our own lives where an event happened, but go back further. Keep going back and look at the set of circumstances. The chain reaction to something further back in the past that lead to this, so called, event. That first decision we made that set of the chain reaction will contain more truth in it than all the stories told about the later event.

So there you have it. A rambling due to frustration. I wonder what set it off? Hmmm, now there’s a point..

I feel better already

Until next week, have a good one

Cheers… Bill

Bill Gray

Bill is a Business Coach. Working with Individuals, Businesses and Organisations to create better environments and to develop and enhance business ”potential”, into successful business practices.

Sydney, Australia

Ph +61 413 949 521

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