How many times do we get caught feeling absolutely hopeless? It can happen when a member of our family gets admitted to an emergency hospital. It can happen when our world falls apart for some reason. It can be a little thing that worries us or a huge problem that we just don’t know where to begin.

No matter how many people say “don’t worry” or “it’s nothing”, it doesn’t do anything to calm the nerves or settle us down. The fact is that we are upset. Upsets or sadness do seem to be frowned upon as far as some people are concerned, yet they are emotions that we possess, so why should we try and hide from them?

A person who is able to experience the fullness of life will also experience the fullness of emotion. Sure happiness is a great feeling and that can be something to strive for. It would be a shame, however, if we weren’t able to experience the subtleties of all our emotions. In fact it would be a boring life indeed, if we were unable to be moved by a sunset or shed tears during a movie… because we “are being happy”

Next time you are feeling a little below the weather, sad or depressed, think how wonderful it is to be able to experience this particular emotion.

I knew someone who used to go around forcing herself to be happy. She would actively comment about her happiness and how perfect her life was. Some of her friends felt inferior around her, due to her incessant happiness. It wasn’t catchy though, it didn’t seem right, but there she was being happy. When she crashed out one night and needed help, no one believed her and she took her own life. They all shook their heads and said “if only we knew”

Our emotions are something we were taught to keep under control. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that men were not supposed to cry and women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex. Thank goodness those days are gone. Also what has gone is the tolerance for upset.

There is a tendency in these days and times to require people who suffer upset to get counseling and receive advice on getting over the worry. Now, when anyone suffers an upset there is a gamut of trained councilors, psychologists and the like offering help and guidance. It’s like we aren’t supposed to feel one half of the emotions we are capable of.

Please understand that I’m not taking a cheap shot at people who actually require the help of these esteemed individuals and neither am I saying that people who are suffering trauma shouldn’t seek help. What I am suggesting is… we have emotions! To make efforts to remove the “bad” or negative emotions we have is like trying to remove one half of our emotional capabilities.

Don’t get stuck on the idea of “trying” to be happy. A happy person is one who is able to experience all of their life at all times.

An important point, and one that will determine where you are at on emotion, is the control you have over the subject. Being stuck in a particular emotion can be a cause for your concern. Just how do you unstick yourself from this emotion?

You know how it is when things go bad and you feel sad. You can get this concern that you are always sad. The fact is that you are probably moving around on the emotional bandwagon and returning to this sad emotion at regular intervals. Start to observe the movement. Those little intricacies that establish that you are happier or sadder than before. You will start to find that the movement is quite considerable. Although you laugh, you also cry. You feel calm and then feel incapable. This is all part of the sliding scale that is your emotions.

Noticing the changes can unstick you. Realizing that there is movement allows you to feel any emotion and also to be aware that you are experiencing more than the initial emotion of sadness or whatever that emotion is.

Another interesting point to notice is; does the emotion fit the event?

You may have seen this happen. A person hurts themselves and someone else laughs… now what’s with that? This is another point about how we react. Under normal conditions, sad = sad feeling, happy = happy feeling. Sometimes though, people will throw up an emotion that doesn’t seem to fit. This has to do with confront rather than emotion. If we are having trouble confronting (being able to face or encounter without turning away) we tend to have reactions happen to us which are out of character or out of place. The idea here is not to confuse this with emotion. The emotion displayed is a reaction of the non-confront not the emotion to the event.

As you can see we are starting to look further afield than just emotions but this point is worth mentioning at this time.

In summary then;

Feel free to experience the full emotional quota you have been given and don’t get caught up thinking you need counseling because you do.

Be aware of all the subtle changes in your emotions and learn from them. They will give you a good picture of how you travel and how your life acts in different times.

Look at this emotional movement as an ability rather than a disability. It is a truly amazing experience to be able to be apart of the moment… whatever the moment is.

True happiness is the ability to experience all of your life at all times. That includes all of the emotions you have been given and are capable of experiencing.

Have a greatly improved emotional week

Cheers… Bill

Bill Gray

Bill is a Business Coach. Working with Individuals, Businesses and Organisations to create better environments and to develop and enhance business ”potential”, into successful business practices.

Sydney, Australia

Ph +61 413 949 521

Copyright ©Bill Gray All Rights Reserved 2004.