The interesting fact is that everything that belongs to us or we have some sort of control over is a reflection of us. Have a look around the room you sit in right now. What’s it like? Whatever the state of your room gives everyone an image of you. Now that’s not so bad, is it?

Maybe I should address this a little more personally… Have a look around the room again….’, ‘Now, what about the room, are you unhappy about?

What about your computer, what are the things that you “put up with” in your computer?

What about you? What are the things about yourself that you “put up with?”

You see, you are the only person that actually matters to you. Sure we may have families, partners, children, parents. Without you though, none of the others actually figure. So the respect you show to yourself is probably the most important part of life.

If you were to make an honest appraisal of you, where would you start?

Sure we all have excuses. I’m too old to change now, I’ve always been this way, I’m still young and so it goes on. If you want to make a change, though, you have to do the yards, you have to make the changes and you have to discipline yourself. It’s not anyone else, it’s you.

What anyone else thinks is really not the issue here. If you are happy within yourself, then your life usually runs pretty much as you want it to. If it isn’t running that way, then blaming others is not a great place to start. They are all running their life their way.

Now if you have looked in the mirror and wish to make some changes, the following list will give you a great start. Good Luck and may you never be the same again.

The Top 10 Ways To Stop Being Unattractive To Yourself.

It doesn”t make a lot of sense to start doing lots of attractive stuff if, in fact, you keep doing unattractive stuff. That would be like putting a fresh coat of paint on top of rotting wood. It will cover it up for a couple of months, but it won”t be enough to fix the wood. So, while initiating some new attraction practices is always good, make sure you’ve handled the stuff underneath.

  1. Stop doing what you know is bad for you and start nourishing yourself.

There’s two important points here. First, extreme self care will help you be sustainably attractive. Second, “bad” is both relative and evolving. Things you used to do which were acceptable may have since become bad for you, yet you haven”t stopped doing them. This is especially true of folks progressing along the Attraction Path. As you and your body become more sensitized, it can tolerate less what you may be in the habit of doing to it. The ”up” with which you put, may change substantially. It”s like the person with extremely high integrity is more likely to be the one who gets stopped for speeding when they are driving only 4 miles over the speed limit. For them, the rules are different, and that”s a good thing, as long as you learn that and make the necessary behavioral changes. The tip here is to upgrade your self care to reflect where you are NOW.

2. Stop trying to meet anyone else”s expectations and start meeting your own.

Unhooking from others” needs or expectations is an essential part of the Attraction process. It”s one thing to respond fully and even over respond to others, but it”s a different thing when you are responding to their expectations of you. That”s a huge difference, although the more codependent you are, the harder it will be see this one. While you”re at it, drop your expectations of other people as well.

3. Stop being so good and start being radical.

I wanted to write ”start being bad” instead of just ”start being radical.” The idea here is that to break the chain of history, proper roles, acceptable behaviors, cultural norms and the like, you may have to swing the ol” pendulum WAY over, just to break the ”good” grip that has most of us held tightly. Being good is a vestige of those days when one misstep in life could ruin your status in the pack and thus ruin your future or even threaten your very survival. But things have changed to the point today that ”doing the right thing” may well be the very wrong thing for you. I’m not suggesting that you be irresponsible or do anything illegal. Rather, to lighten up, trash a week”s worth of emails, take a week off, eat a pizza. Anything to get you flexing your muscles in a different way.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others, and identify your own measures.

It”s normal and even healthy to compare who you are and how you”re doing against how others are doing. Reference points are fine. But using these reference points as a way to build self-esteem is not smart, because it makes you dependent. Plus, it”s human nature to compare yourself to people either steps above or below you, depending on your ego need of that day. It”s pointless really. Better to come up with your own measures of who you are and how you”re doing.

  1. Stop setting yourself up and start making life easy on you.

Do you ever set yourself up for stress or failure? Many people do. They either need the stress to create adrenaline or they think peace and boredom is a bad thing. My suggestion to you is to look at your current life and ask yourself: Where can I see that I have set myself up for stress or failure? There are probably a couple of people, projects, activities, goals or shoulds. Pick one of these and take it down several more levels and come to understand what motivated you in the first place to set yourself up. Get to know that part of yourself really well. Because to become really Attractive, you”ll need to make peace with it and come to respect it as a very powerful force in your life instead of trying to control it and spending your time dealing with the problems that it will create for you for a very long time.

6. Stop setting other people up and start underpromising.

If you are someone who overpromises, stop promising at all; don”t just underpromise. You need to break this cycle. If you”re someone who seduces people, recognize it. If you”re someone who makes people dependent on you, fix that.

7. Stop waiting and start trusting your inklings.

If you blindly followed your intuition and inklings, would your life be a lot better than it is today? Even with the mistakes you would have made because you misread a feeling or intuitive thought? I think for most people, the answer is yes. Better to master the skill of accurately identifying your feelings/intuition/inklings, than be 100% accurate, yet boring or unfulfilled. In other parts of the Attraction Program, you learn to build up a reserve so that you can afford the consequences of your mistakes. And, in other parts, you learn that responding immediately to things is usually better than waiting. Here, the lesson is to act on your inklings (inklings are even smaller/fainter than intuition). Live THERE, instead of just in ”reality.” Because by the time the present has become provable, it”s already the past. (Hey, good quote!)

8. Stop chasing and start appreciating.

Probably the most common ”unattractive” thing that I see people do is that they chase after dreams, hopes, goals, coulds, people, love, feelings, fantasies, opportunities, etc. It is fun, but generally fruitless. I”m not saying don”t dream; I am saying don”t chase your dreams. Are there any dreams that you”re currently chasing? How would you benefit if you let them go?

9. Stop trying to become somebody and just be yourself.

As you”ve probably recognized by now, a recurring theme in this section is the notion that striving is fairly unattractive. One of the ways we strive is to become somebody more or other than we are. Aspirations are fairly healthy; striving can get ugly. You can be yourself and still wish to develop yourself. That”s fine. But don”t try to become somebody else.

10. Stop having problems and start solving them.

You can either be an expert problem solver, or you can become a Problem Free Zone. The latter is less ”rewarding” or exciting, but it is much more attractive.

Copyright 1997 by Thomas J. Leonard. All rights reserved.


This list was written by Thomas Leonard July 31, 1955 – February 11, 2003. He was the founder of the Coaching Movement as we know it. The 31st July was to have been his birthday so it is with this recognition in mind that I post his top ten list here


Have a great week


Cheers… Bill

Bill Gray

Bill is a Business Coach. Working with Individuals, Businesses and Organisations to create better environments and to develop and enhance business ”potential”, into successful business practices.

Sydney, Australia

Ph +61 413 949 521


Copyright ©Bill Gray All Rights Reserved 2004.