How Do You See Me?

Written by  on September 18, 2004 

Have you ever noticed how people seem to have completely the wrong idea or perception of you? They say something like “You are always so shy” or You are always bossy”

…and you think… “How did they come to that conclusion?… they are not only a wrong but they are so far out, the bus doesn’t even go there”

I sometimes wonder where people get their perception from, considering some of the things I have heard about myself and yet, when I do a bit of a undercover job… you know, lurking about watching myself, I find that sometimes they aren’t to far wide of the mark…. Damn… and I thought I was perfect!!!

The other day, I had this marvelous conversation with a girl I know and we just passed the time of day… as you do when you are with a beautiful person. I had this idea that our conversation was right and we had so much in common. Two days later, I received an extreme note saying I was ignoring her and that my actions were showing disrespect for her.

What? Where on earth did this spring from?

What had happened in the preceding 48 hours for something so right to turn miserably wrong? I thought I had gone about my life pretty much as usual… or had I?

Well my week had been a little different than usual… I hadn’t managed to get down and have my usual hit of caffeine and I am sure that the fact that I have given up sugar is taking its toll. Work has been ramping up so I am rushing around a little and I am away from here before the sparrows and back after the owls have started their racket.

It didn’t take long to see that I am my own worst enemy. Here was someone, who, with very few expectations, was observing my changes and I had, however unintentionally ignored a note. The second “reminder” was telling me as it was… I had ignored a person who had accepted me and then I had dropped her like a hot potato.

I still think it takes a brave man to ignore, at his peril, the conversation of a woman (or should it be it is a stupid man who ignores conversations) Of course, the same works in reverse. Yes, I am sorry to say, that both sexes are their own worst enemies. When we get to meet someone and we have this conversation, we cannot just then drop the conversation due to our life. We must build on the relationship so that this important person becomes more involved rather than ignored. Our life will continue on so it might as well be with another friend rather than, in spite of another friend

We seem to be oblivious to the effect we have on others when our own life starts to impinge on us. If you start up a new conversation, relationship, friendship, you had better jolly well continue it or you will lose it. What is also so blatantly obvious is that, when you start up this new relationship, and you choose to let it drop, then the game will turn against you. You will become the target.

This also happens if you change the rules in any of your relationships. Like, you have a life changing realization and you make a change. Don’t forget that this change will also affect all those that are involved or are touched by your life. If the change is dramatic, it can cause disruptions in others lives as well and, again, you will become the target.

You see, us humans are a very insecure lot. We struggle with changes to our environment and if one of our friends makes a change, and it bounces against our security blanket, we also react. We do not like to have our security blanket tugged on.

So if you are contemplating to change (and with life, that happens constantly) be aware that change will impinge on others as well. If you don’t inform them, then you will become the target for others to let you know their observations about you.

I am now at the point where I have to make a decision about this relationship with this beautiful person. Will I try and make it work or will I drop it?

….and don’t you just hate it when you know that you have just written an article about

Love and Fear I knew that would come back to haunt me. Seriously though, each of us can take responsibility for what happens. We don’t have to just drop relationships because there is a struggle. We can work on this “fear” We can do something to create a better feeling towards our friends

It also means that I have accountability to each person that I make a commitment to.

Now this accountability is nothing more than doing what I say I will do. This is either implied or said. If you imply that you want a friendship or you are going to do something, then do it or work on the friendship! There is nothing more frustration to others (and to us, if it happens to us) than someone saying they will do something and then they don’t do it. This throws more relationships into turmoil than you could imagine. It also results in people getting fired from their job, arguments across the board, people losing faith in others… all because an action was implied or communicated and then no action took place.

So there you have it. If we are to be brave, if we are to make a difference then maybe we should start by considering our actions and make a concerted effort to stick to the actions we imply or talk about. Sure life does impinge and we sometimes forget. In each of these instances we can make efforts to apologize before the fact. In other words, don’t leave it till after you have supposed to do something, get on the phone, visit or in some way communicate that you have stuffed up and you will make sure that you get it done. Better still, do whatever it takes to get it done despite any and all obstacles.

Its amazing how, when you take on this idea that you will get it done whatever it takes, that you suddenly find a way to get it done. We don’t have to give up at the first hurdle and you will certainly create a very good impression. This will give you the “brownie points” that make others recognize you as a person of your word and this also builds a favorable impression in others minds. It makes their perception of you closer to how you feel everyone should perceive you.

Now where do we go from here?

Well, of course the choice it yours and yours alone. Just as I have to face up to my responsibilities, so do each of us. There is no sense in trying to be someone we are not. There is no point in trying to be like someone else. We must all find our own place in this world. We will do a better job of it if we are faithful to ourselves… When we are able to say we will do something and do it… When we are able to carry on in our life, without excluding those that nourish our soul… When we are truthful enough to admit to ourselves, all that is true about us, then we will make giant steps forward in making a fulfilling life with friendships aplenty.

Until next week

Cheers… Bill

Bill Gray

Bill is a Business Coach. Working with Individuals, Businesses and Organisations to create better environments and to develop and enhance business ”potential”, into successful business practices.

Sydney, Australia

Ph +61 413 949 521

Copyright ©Bill Gray billgray.biz All Rights Reserved 2004.

 

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